I've been living on my own since I was 19, and at the age of 27, I move back into my parents' house. True, it's not the same house I was brought up in, but I can't help but wonder if I'm really that incapable of taking care of myself. I left the air-cond on when I went out. Came home to find out that I left it switched on. How could I be so careless? But when I think about it, perhaps that was how I've been treating my heart all along. Left it on a shelf for anyone to pick up, past its expiry date. It's over. I must now hide my heart away.
Call me a fool, for I am all but none, or all but one. Through tinted glasses, I see the world. I ran a billion miles to hold so many people's hands, and at the end, I'm left alone, standing at the starting line, panting and out of breath. I'm done.
Of opening sealed envelopes. Of keeping secrets. Till that fall I await. I await. Patiently. There was going to be none. I'm done.
Broken promises, nothing gained.
I remember a friend telling me, "You've been living a life of risks all this time. Perhaps it's time to tone down and live a life of comfort."
So, maybe after all these years, I have gotten that smack on my face. Who knows which is the lie I've been living? All I know is, now I have to forsake who I am and to learn to live like a normal human being. To fit into that 90% of people that he used to talk about.
Who knows what's next? Get a "proper" job. Forget my dreams because every time I dare to dream, I am taken down like a torn down poster. Stop this madness. BE NORMAL.
Because I am nothing but a hypocrite. To say years ago that I want nothing more than to be normal. Here, take it. Take it. TAKE IT. Swallow this spoon with your mouth wide open. Here's your normalcy pill.
If only I had the guts to swallow it.
Why does this confuse me so?
Sleep will continue to elude me.
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