My heart's a stereo

It's taking me all my strength, can't you see? It hasn't been easy. I can't stand being in the same room as you, or you, or you.

I don't understand why I still have a heart. I don't want to cry anymore. The truth is, I can't do this anymore.

I keep seeing you walk away. In that corner of my mind, I still see that vision of you walking away. I know in my heart that I will never see you again. I've been tortured so much this year. Just when I thought I had something figured out, everything else fell apart. I am devastated. Crushed.

But that's the way it's always been, isn't it? I sit next to you. I hold your hand. I wipe your tears dry. I give you my heart. And all this time, you gave your heart to somebody else. I know, I know. Set them free. Let them love, because isn't that the essence of who I am, anyway?

But once in a while, every once in a while, I sit down quietly in my room. I lie down, I stare at the ceiling. I hug my pillow. I wish you were here with me. I want to tell you so much but I'm afraid I'll just push you away, just like how I've pushed everyone away in my life.

Love was never an easy game to play, never for me. Just once in my life, I need an easier game plan. Or no plan at all. Just to fall deeply into someone's arms and just to lie there, dazed, perhaps.

I miss you. But I'll never get to say those words to you. I can never love again, if love only means giving my heart away to someone, and watching someone give their heart away to someone else.

I'm doomed.